“Look, I studied that yearbook as hard as you did. Ask me anything. Anything.”
“Okay, I will. What were the school colors?”
“Brick and a kind of cementy color between the bricks.”
-Rose and Blanche
For some reason, the DVD has actually divided this two-part episode into two parts for once. Why this one? Why not any of the other ones? Who put together these DVDs?
Anyway, Sophia’s been leaving the toilet seat up all week, but more importantly, Blanche’s daughter Janet and granddaughter Sarah are coming to town soon. Blanche sees it as her big chance to have a good time with Janet for once.
Rose, meanwhile, has missed her high school reunion because she was sick, and she’s disappointed. Dorothy tells her she should have just gone to a doctor.
“You don’t understand. I’m from St. Olaf. St. Olaf is farm country. We’re rough and rugged. We never see doctors. Never. In fact, my great-grandfather once removed his neighbor’s appendix, and he wasn’t even sick.”
“Why would he do that?”
“Let’s just say they were playing poker and the stakes got a little high.”
-Rose and Dorothy
The Girls urge her to go to the doctor, but Rose says it’s just indigestion and exhaustion. I think we all know where this is going.
That night, Blanche announces that she’s found a 40th reunion party for East Miami High in the personals, and thinks they should all crash it. Blanche is sure they won’t notice the interlopers. They decide to do it, just for fun, though they’re not sure what to do with Sophia.
“We’ll have to get a sitter.”
“No more sitters. We’re still in litigation with the last one.”
“She bit me first.”
-Dorothy, Blanche, and Sophia
They agree to take her, too. Blanche goes to pick up old yearbooks at the library so they can study up.
As they’re about to go to the reunion, Dorothy is excited to have a fresh start. Rose hasn’t studied to Blanche’s satisfaction; she’s having second thoughts about deceiving everyone. Still, they go, and Rose grabs other people’s name tags for everyone. They start scattering. Rose still isn’t feeling well. Sophia even gets “recognized” as the old Spanish 101 teacher.
Blanche soon learns that the woman whose name tag she wears has a bit of a past when she’s approached by a man named Bill.
“I’ve missed you.”
“Really, Susan? How about our baby? The one my parents raised? Do you ever miss him?”
“You know, it really isn’t good to dwell on the past.”
-Blanche and Bill
Dorothy learns that her assumed identity was prom queen, but as she’s taken to a throne, everyone’s fake identities are uncovered. As they’re about to run, Rose collapses.
At the hospital, the other three Girls wait nervously for news about Rose.
“I remember when people used to die at Shady Pines. I hated the way the nurses used to break the news. ‘Guess who’s getting two desserts tonight?’”
Blanche wonders if she might have had a major stroke, and what they would do; Dorothy says firmly that they would take care of her. Blanche feels selfish for making her go to the reunion when she was feeling sick. Sophia tells her that all they can do now is pray. Blanche is a little out of practice.
“Dear God, I know it’s been an awful long time since I’ve done this, and I’m sorry. You have given me a lot to be thankful for. My wonderful children, my health, a beautiful body, legs to die for. A face that is stunningly sexy and yet has the innocence of a child, with luscious lips that just invite—”
“He knows what you look like, Blanche.”
“Yes, you know what I look like, and I just wanted to say, good job.”
-Blanche and Dorothy
The doctor comes out and tells the Girls that Rose is fine, with no permanent damage, and they’re just moving her into her room. Once that’s done, the Girls go to Rose’s room. She’s going to stay overnight, but she appears more cheerful. All the Girls have new resolve: Dorothy’s decided to go out more, Blanche has decided to go to church more, and Sophia wants to go to law school.
“Oh, Ma, come on, you’ll be 96 when you get out.”
“I’ll be 96 anyway.”
-Dorothy and Sophia
Rose isn’t scared of dying; she’s planning to be cryogenically frozen after death, but just her head. The other Girls don’t take it too seriously at first, but realize that she means it.
“I want to get my head frozen, and I want you to promise me you’ll help me with this.”
“All right, if it’ll make you happy, I will see that your head gets to the cryogenics people. And Blanche’ll help me, too.”
“Well, I do have George’s old bowling ball bag.”
-Rose, Dorothy, and Blanche
Rose wants them to get their heads frozen, too. After some grumbling, they agree.
On Sunday morning, Janet and Sarah arrive, and you know how I feel about that. Janet first thinks Blanche’s good mood must be due to a gentleman caller. Blanche wants them to go to church, but Janet isn’t really a fan of organized religion, and points out that she’s not sure if God even exists. Blanche is.
“God created man and gave him a heart and a mind and thighs that could crack walnuts.”
The Girls go to the hospital only to find that Rose is not in her room. They’re informed that she’s gone into cardiac arrest and is being prepped for surgery.
High points: The reunion, Blanche trying to pray, Sophia stealing hospital supplies.
Things that don’t age well: When Rose poses as exchange student Kim Fong Toi, things get a little bit racist.
MVP: Blanche, for sliding perfectly into her role as school mean girl and a prayer celebrating herself.
The verdict: A suspenseful part one.