“I’ll never get a woman to come over to this place. Not with these bugs. Okay, and this body.”
Rose is trying to think of sweeps week topics for Wake-Up! Miami.
“You know what I hate about sweeps week? The news. It’s sex, sex, sex. Why can’t they do serious stories? Stories with political relevance?”
“Yes, like, ‘Sex in the new Russia: is it worth standing in line for?’”
-Dorothy and Blanche
Meanwhile, Sophia wants a new pair of shoes, and Dorothy refuses to take her.
“Honey, we both know what’s going to happen. I take you down to Shimshack’s, we walk in the door, and all the salesmen disappear. I have to go to the back of the store and bribe them to come out and help you.”
“Please, those people love me.”
“For ten dollars, they love you. Without a tip, you’re just another old lady wearing men’s socks and a bad attitude.”
-Dorothy and Sophia
Blanche and Dorothy eventually end up taking her together. While they’re out, Angelo comes over to see Dorothy about a bug infestation in his apartment. Rose sees an opportunity for a story, and goes with Angelo to his apartment.
When the other three get home, everyone is in a bad mood except for Sophia, who got a free balloon out of it once Dorothy swore in blood never to bring Sophia back.
[balloon popping clip from yt]
Dorothy points out that Sophia refuses to wear any shoes besides the old lady shoes she’s tired of, but if she really wants new shoes, they’ll figure something out.
Rose comes back home and tells the Girls about her news story. Rose’s boss wants to expose Angelo’s landlord. Dorothy points out that she and Stan’s are Angelo’s landlords. Rose feels bad… for not chasing the family angle. Her office has already tracked them down, though, and soon, the police are at her door with a warrant for her arrest: Dorothy is a slumlord.
“Dorothy, don’t worry, we’ll have you out of jail in no time! I’ll get the best attorney Social Security can buy!”
By her court date, Dorothy has earned the nickname of “The Big Mean Bug Lady.”
“Dorothy, isn’t this something? You’ve become what we in the news business call a ‘hot story!’”
“And you’ve become what we call in the revenge business ‘next.’”
-Rose and Dorothy
Stan shows up, and reveals he’s dumped his superstar lawyer and hired a novice lawyer he met in a bar. She’s young, in a miniskirt, and doesn’t inspire confidence. It’s clear what Stan sees in her.
The DA crushes them, painting Dorothy as an unfeeling bully. The judge sentences Dorothy and Stan to spend time living in one of their own apartments… together.
“Wait a minute. You want me to live with him in the same apartment?”
“But there are bugs there, and they’ll think Stan is their leader!”
-Dorothy and the judge
The apartment is dismal. Stan still manages to wax nostalgic about their first place, wishing they could start over. Dorothy finally convinces him to go buy her flowers, and locks him out of the apartment.
By the next afternoon, the building inspector has told them they can leave. Dorothy’s a little confused about Stan. Just when she thinks she’s done with him, he always seems to show up again. Sophia has a little advice for her.
“See what I have on my feet?”
“Your regular old shoes.”
“And do you know why? Because old lady shoes are me. Like it or not, they’re a part of my life. It’s like it is with you and Stan. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“You’re saying that in some ways, Stan belongs in my life. Like your shoes, he may not be stylish, but he’s familiar, he’s comfortable.”
“And shiny on top. Don’t forget shiny on top.”
-Sophia and Dorothy
High points: The courtroom scene, Sophia’s balloon.
Things that don’t age well: I don’t remember the last time I heard the term “sweeps week.”
MVP: Sophia and her old lady shoes.
The verdict: A lot of good lines and moments.